Journey to Authenticity

I’ve been giving my transition a lot of thought lately. I started transitioning 8 years ago at age 50 & yes, along with having my kids, it’s hands down the best thing I’ve ever done. On honest reflection I have recently started to see how that while transitioning helped me have the physical body I always saw for myself internally, I did some non intentional remodeling of who I was to better conform. As a male the world suddenly started reacting to me very differently then it had reacted to me for the previous 50 years of my life. Though I was always very masculine & one of the guys, I was still doing so as a woman. I was physical, playful, flirtatious, & outgoing but suddenly as a man, me having the exact same behavior garnered very different reactions from both men and women. Men suddenly were uncomfortable with me. Now when I casually called them pet names & touched them they pulled away. Women took the same behavior as either threatening and unwelcome advances or an invitation to try to pursue me. Everything I knew flipped. Rather than just stay who I had been internally for 50 years I resculpted them to fit this new male life. I pass so easily now, thanks to my towering height and genetics, but more & more I realized I had lost part of myself and funnily enough, I don’t even care about passing anymore. I stuck out as being different my whole life and suddenly I didn’t. I was now this boring looking white cis looking guy..the horror! LOL So this is the year I take my freak flag back out. I now realize the importance of being an active part of the queer community & this is something I’m currently working on breathing more energy back into. Non Binary just wasn't a thing for so many people of my generation but had I been more hooked into this aspect of the community, I think my transition would have been so much easier. This kind of work & self realization takes the willingness to be brutally honest with oneself & these truffles have been instrumental in this journey of mine as well as my new therapist. It’s a winning combo & I recommend it to any and all. Wishing you all great insight & compassion on your own journeys this year. <3 (Journey of the Self n.2 )