The Journey Within

Sexuality can be so confusing, for me atleast. When I transitioned (at 50) I assumed I’d be gay after my lifelong love of men but I felt inadequate with the idea of me as a gay man when my body still resembled a woman’s. My personality was very male, but not my body. I have always had a great appreciation of the male form and love looking at men in real life and in art and it took me quite a few years of transitioning before I saw a man when I looked in the mirror. Part of being gay is being attracted to your own gender so this was a big problem because it just seemed like an impossible situation. I can’t expect someone to be attracted to what they are not attracted to and my own confidence and security in the man I was becoming was rather nebulous in those earlier years as well. I guess I didn’t have anyone to really talk to about this during my earlier years of transition and it wasn’t anything I heard any other trans men discussing though I’d imagine there are trans women who identify as lesbians who may have gone through a similar stage where in their case they didn't feel their bodies had changed enough yet to be appealing to a gay woman.

Anyhow, there is so much more to add to this, but for now I will just say I am so grateful to have found a wonderful queer therapist because as much as I love these truffles and how the plants in them guide me, a great therapist can also be so important and the therapist combined with truffle work is for the win. Today I am feeling more confident than ever & feel like I am finally ready to step back into my sexuality and am grateful to have a safe place to talk about it & great tools like the truffles to help.